Isn’t She Lovely- Jubilee’s Birth Story

The Pregame

This story starts where the last post left off. In summary, I was hospitalized at my 34th week of pregnancy for preterm contractions and prodromal labor. Then I was the placed on bedrest with the intention of keeping our baby in the womb as long as possible. Every day mattered when it came to her development and prognosis after delivery. I would have liked to report that I didn’t have contractions after I was discharged from the hospital. Unfortunately, I had bouts of contractions almost daily until Jubilee’s birth. I hate the term Braxton Hicks, because it so devaluing of my actual experience. Yet, for lack of a better term, I had Braxton Hicks contractions from Hell: contractions lasting 30-60 seconds every 5-10 minutes for hours each day. Therefore, everyday felt like “the day.” I was so uncomfortable, but knew I had to have a high threshold to go to the hospital. My threshold was now blood, my water breaking, or contractions so bad that I couldn’t talk. Long story short, I didn’t meet those criterion and amazingly made it to the scheduled C-section date.

This was my first time having a scheduled c-section. Every other c-section was a surprise. The reasons included failure to progress, oligohydramnios (low amniotic fluid), and a spike in blood pressure. I fought the idea of having another c-section and dreamed of other outcomes. I looked into VBAC options, but after the hospitalization I accepted my fate. I started to look up ways in which other mothers had pleasant c-section experiences. My search led me to terms such as c-section birth plans and gentle c-sections. Ironically, my doctor had articles in his office about how he offered gentle c-sections. My obstetrician has a way of downplaying things and stated it was a regular c section, but part of the drape was clear so you could see when they raise the baby up. However, in my search there were plans that included aroma therapy, special playlist, limited chatter in the operating room, and delayed cord clamping. Regardless of the process, I just wanted everything to work out well. I wanted the baby to be healthy and I wanted to survive. As the pregnancy progressed, I learned how dangerous a fourth c-sections could be. I was at a greater risk of needing a hysterectomy and having other complications. Nevertheless I pressed on in faith that the baby and I would make it through.

Jubilee’s Birth

I thought it would be difficult to sleep, but I slept well the night before. I kissed all the kids that morning and prayed that I’d be able to kiss them again in a few days. The hospital staff and professionals were so amazing. They were excited for me and were there for me in the event I felt uneasy. I didn’t feel uneasy… because I dissociate. It wasn’t until it was go-time that I processed I was about to be cut, birth a baby, and be sewn up. Thus… my initial blood pressure on the operating table was 150/100 (high); ironically, the same pressure they used to justify my last c-section.

After receiving anesthesia and going over the basics, I was asked what music I liked. Luckily, I thought about this when I did my gentle c-section search. I chose Stevie Wonder. Me and my husband’s first dance was to “You and I” and Stevie Wonder had beautiful songs about love that could be directed to any loved one. After “Superstition” started, my obstetrician and the team were ready to rock and roll. It was so beautiful. We were singing lyrics and everyone was happy and lighthearted in the midst of a serious procedure. As he started to cut into those final layers, “For Once In My Life” came on and I started to sob. I was filled with so many emotions that spanned the history of me being a mother. It hit me that me and Arlinton were going to be the parents of 4 children. We were trusted by God to love and raise another child. Shortly after, the obstetrician told me that I’d feel pressure and might not be able to breath. Then, before I could process not being able to breath, the clear drape was revealed and Jubilee was in the air!

She was perked up and cleaned to the tunes of “Isn’t She Lovely.” It was a celebration in the operating room. As Arlinton cut the cord and the baby was examined by the pediatrician, I was being a weirdo. I couldn’t help but to find a reflection where I could watch them sew me up and stare at the blood collect from the procedure. Moments later, the operation was done and the obstetrician reassured me and my husband that all went well. I saw our baby and was so happy. Me and her were alive and well!

Afterthoughts- A Dream Come True

I’m the oldest child q and since I was old enough to talk about how many kids I wanted, the number was 4. I was consistent about this for years. It was my dream. However, as life happened, I loss sight of my dream. I was a mother of three, working nonstop, felt tension in my relationships, and felt completely burned out. I stopped praying and hoping for my dreams. I just hoped and prayed for relief. I fought God, my husband, and myself about having a fourth child. You can blame Satan or circumstances. Whatever you choose, I was convinced that I wasn’t capable of embracing a dream I had for years. Things became so chaotic that my prayers turned into begging for God to take total control and make it clear what should happen next. I was at the point where I couldn’t formulate a clear prayer or desire. However, due to a series of unfortunate events, I had the most fortunate life and mindset changes. Somehow, I was able to take that leap of faith and go for my dream. I cried so much on that operating table because my dream was coming true. My dream came true despite myself and I can’t express how humbling and beautiful that is.

I want to encourage anyone that has a legit dream to not let their limited knowledge and experiences hold them back from going for something their heart and universe won’t let them shake. I thank God and Arlinton for not letting me give up on my dreams. In fact, my daughter’s name, Jubilee, is a testament to the celebration of a dream come true.